To: All clients who have recently purchased or are about to purchase a dog.

Re: What not to name your dog.

Everybody who has a dog calls him "rover" or "boy". I call mine "sex".

Now, sex has been very embarrassing to me, when I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too". Then I said, "But this is a dog". He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. "I've had sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid!

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestand asked my why I was standing there looking around, I told him I had planned to have sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand." I said. "I had hoped to have sex on TV." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too". Then I told him that after I was married, sex left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night, sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 O'clock on the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for sex."

My case comes up friday...