. (Written by Rat Scabies, May 2002)

Iíll start at the end of the Damned...
Iíd opened a small, slightly damp recording studio underneath Kew Bridge. Lee Mavers of The Laís was ready to have another go at the music business, so, after a couple of fateful meetings, he moved into ''Arch 8'' and started to try to get himself and a band together for that difficult second album

Lee can turn his hand to most instruments, and we often jammed. He was always a Gent and a true star, and someone Iíll always show a big lump of gratitude and respect to...

I never won the lottery but...
Anyway, life was nicely taking care of itself Ė Offspring had just covered ''Smash It Up'', The Laís were paying the rent Ė so with a few quid in me bin, I fucked off to Hollywood & set up a licensing deal for The Damnedís ''Not Of This Earth Album''.

Rat does Hollywood
While drinking my way round Tinseltown, I met Joe Strummer at a Ministry gig. Timothy Leary was there, welded to a wheelchair and looking like a frail Tim Burton caricature while buried deep beneath Al Jorgensson's ridiculous top hat. Joe and I both figured Mr Leary wouldnít have much longer to go, so we blagged our way backstage to meet him and the band. We even got invited back to the hotel for a social. Once Iíd loaded Timmy into the limo, we spent the rest of the night talking music, religion, star wars, conspiracy theories and some of the goriest unimaginable political gossip Iíve heard before or since.
Needless to say, Mr Jorgensson was the perfect host in every way.

The last thing Iíd have thought of doing ...
Joe and I started working on ''Grosse Pointe Blanke'' soon after that. I loved working with Joe in every sense. He was free thinking and has a sense of humour Iíd kill for. He turned me onto so much great music and just when I thought Iíd done it all, he turned up and gave me a much needed shot of adrenalin. Even though we never did pass go, I still hold a deep admiration and respect for the man that showed me how Hollywood really works.

While it was good, we planned to form a new band, ''Electric Doghouse'', with my old mate Segs from The ''Ruts'' and currently the ďAlabama 3Ē We recorded one live track (''Generations'') and eventually found our way back to England, where me and Segs started a production company with Steve ''Dub'' Jones.

. St Ockwell or St Reatham?
We went under the name SDS, which I always Thought sounded like a cleaning firm from Streatham. I wanted us to be called ''Cow'' then we could at least have called the album ''Itís Curtains For Beef''

Vincent ''Segs'' Jennings and I performed with the legendary ''Stompy the Bastard Clown''.

SDS did some film score and remix work, The Rolling Stones & Dubstar to name but two, as well as recording our own brilliant, but as yet unreleased ''Space Hoppa'' featuring Derwood (Generation X) on slide guitar and Darren, my old friend from the US, on vocals.

Meanwhile Back in Kew
By now the Thames and its spring tides had made the studio too waterlogged for even the hardy Laís to put up with. So once theyíd moved out, I mopped up, put the kettle on and began to sus out Macintosh computers and digital recording.

Derwood, my part in his success
By the time Iíd figured out the Cubase manual well enough to record properly, Derwood had arrived. We played, produced & engineered a lot of tracks together. Some of it as the ''Island Monkeys'' and some of it for SDS, while in return I laid down a few drumtracks for the ''MoonDog'' albums.

It was around the same time that I began to produce and inadvertently become a patron/sponsor and a fan of the mighty Flipron. A once local band that I inadvertently discovered through Arch 8. They canít get arrested, but I remain optimistic that one day someone with some taste and good sense will sign them.

As well as all the above, Sam Dodson from seminal world dance outfit ''Loop Guru'' moved into my street and, after a chance meeting and a few too many drinks, we decided to make a virtual album under the name Slipper. The bet was whether or not it was possible to make an album solely by file transfers between our 2 attics within the Brentford Triangle. This was of course without any of the artists ever performing at the same time or place.
We won the bet and ''Invisible Movies'' was later released on the Aphex Twinís ''Rephlex'' label, and received critical acclaim in the avant garde jazz world (honest).
To date, none of the participating members of Slipper have yet to consciously exist in the same time and space...

During the same couple of years, I met up with and played a few sessions for Gothic soul boys ''Nosferatu''. Theyíre a good bunch as far as the undead go, but I did manage to slice through a nerve/tendon in my thumb while whittling a precautionary stake. Nosferatu.

''Where to now Guv?''
Poking around the soft underbelly of the internet was an inevitable place for me to end up, especially with a severed thumb and plenty of spare time. Once Iíd found out how to run an independent server, I came up with a useful concept and then launched
*** The Global-Audio-Foundation ***
This is a members only community server, designed for musos to trade performances, ideas, gossip and generate a few quid for themselves. Itís been running for over a year now, and even though I neglect it terribly, it still does everything itís supposed to.

. The Future:
Suddenly the Tarot cards burst into flames, a flash of green light.
I still havnít found a band to take up full time residence with, so Iím planning a trip to the US to try and put some much deserved energy back into GAF while a trip to the Fortean unconvention convinced me I should devote more time to esoteric treasure hunting.
The Global-Audio-Foundation.

But that really is about it until the next lucky ball and chain comes crashing through my wall.

When it does, Iíll let you know.

Until then,
May your Gods go with you.

Rat Scabies.